Can't orgasm with a partner? 7 questions for clarity

Do you feel stressed?

Putting too much pressure on yourself to reach orgasm often harms sexual pleasure. Focusing on orgasm means giving more importance to the destination than to the trip itself. It is also opening doors for stress, especially if we don’t reach our goal. Stress is the enemy of pleasure: it considerably limits the secretion of sex hormones and transforms them into cortisol, the stress hormone. Therefore, it can have a negative impact on your sex life: reduced libido, problem to reach arrousal and to orgasm.

Are you comfortable with your own body?

It can be intimidating to have an orgasm in front of someone. Fear of losing control, of being seen in a situation of vulnerability, of not being desirable… Talk about it openly with your partner. He or she may be able to reassure you. You can also work on your self-confidence in bed to develop your confidence, free your mind from your complexes and finally focus on your pleasure.

Are you focusing on your feelings and body sensations?

Ask yourself: is your mind focused on your desire to have an orgasm at all costs or on the pleasure you are having? Try to focus your attention on what you feel: the softness of his skin, the warmth of his hands on your body, the sound of your breaths... Concentrating on your senses will help you enlighten your body and its pleasure, rather than your brain and its concerns. Then, you have the ideal conditions for relaxation.

You can try our guided breathing exercises, it will help you feel your body sensations more deeply. And if you feel that your mind wanders to your desire to have an orgasm, remember that you can reconnect by focusing your attention for a few moments on the sensations in your body as you inhale and exhale.

Do you feel connected with your partner?

Breathing exercises can also be done in pairs! “Circle Breathing” is an ideal exercise to do as a couple, before or during intercourse. It will help you align your sexual energies and reconnect.

Did you explain to your partner what gave you pleasure?

Maybe he or she doesn't know! Since you have no problem to reach orgasm when you masturbate, you might as well surf on it. Trust yourself, use your knowledge, your talents... and especially teach them to your partner! The goal is to create an exciting and stimulating space that takes inspiration from your solo experiences. It takes time and energy, but the orgasm is worth it.

Have you tried mutual masturbation?

Masturbating in front of your partner is an act of vulnerability and it can be intimidating. But if you feel comfortable, this practice can develop closeness and encourage a deep connection with your partner, in addition to being very exciting!

In addition, as you are in the best position to know what you like, watching you will allow your partner to see which movements you like, which are the most erogenous zones, etc. A real live pleasure-map !

Do you ever practice non-penetrative sex?

In many people minds, a “valid” sexual relationship requires going through penetration. But this norm satisfies penis havers much more than vulva havers. In an American study, 86% of homosexual women explained that they reached orgasm during their intercourse, compared to 65% for heterosexual women.

How can this gap be justified? While 30% of men surveyed believe that penetration is the best way to allow a woman to have an orgasm, 91% of lesbians explain that they achieve it through manual or oral stimulation of the clitoris. Without necessarily being penetrated vaginally.

Therefore, here is a small challenge to do with your partner: have sex without penetration. You will realize that the techniques of masturbation and non-penetrative sex are very numerous if you are curious and creative. And those techniques are more likely to bring you to orgasm!

The information provided in this article is for educational purposes only, and does not substitute for professional medical advice. Please, consult a medical professional or healthcare provider if you are seeking medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment. CLIMAX is not liable for risks or issues associated with using or acting upon the information on the website.