What is sexual desire?

Sexual desire is a topic that's often misunderstood. We tend to think it's about getting turned on and going at it, but is it really that simple? Let's look at the science of sexual desire to find out.

What is sexual desire?

In short, sexual desire is your motivation and interest in sexual objects or activities. While it sounds simple, the reality of sexual desire is a bit more complex than the definition suggests.

Sexual desire response styles

First, there are two different sexual desire response styles (1) you might have:

• Spontaneous: when you get the desire to have sex out of the blue, without any triggers (considered the "norm" in society due to it being more common in men).

• Responsive: sexual desire type that requires an erotic trigger (Ex: a kiss, erotic literature, porn) for you to want sex.

Both response styles are normal and healthy and are equally common among people.

Dual control model

But wait! The complexities of sexual desire don't stop here. Sex researcher Emily Nagoski in her book Come As You Are, explains the dual control model (2). Your sexual response consists of two parts:

• Sexual Excitation System: the sexual accelerator in your brain that scans the environment looking for turn-ons to get you in the mood for sex.

• Sexual Inhibition System: the sexual brakes in your brain that works opposite the accelerator, always looking for reasons not to have sex.

These two systems work in unison to regulate your sexual desire. Emily Nagoski explains, "your level of sexual arousal at any given moment is the product of how much stimulation the accelerator is getting and how little stimulation the brakes are getting."

Everyone is different in how sensitive their accelerator and brakes are, which affects how easily you can get aroused.

Arousal non-concordance

Do you ever feel in the mood for some sexy time alone or with your partner but find that your body is not quite on the same page? Well, this is also a very natural thing that happens, and it's called arousal non-concordance (2).

It's a phenomenon when there is a disconnect between your brain and your body regarding being in the mood for sex. For example, you might be ready in your mind, but your genitals might not be. Or it might be that your genitals are aroused while you are not feeling "in the mood."

As you can see, your sexual desire is much more than it might seem at first sight. And learning more about it can help you find new, unexplored ways to enjoy your sexuality.