How to self masturbate in front of your partners

As you might already know, sex is about much more than just penetration. One such non-penetrative sexual practice is self masturbation, or mutual masturbation, in which you pleasure yourself while your partner is watching, and perhaps self-pleasuring too. Even though masturbation is often considered a solitary practice, incorporating it into your partnered sex life has many benefits too. A 2020 study discovered that aligning masturbation and partnered sex can improve level of arousal and lower orgasmic difficulty (1), which can be a significant factor given that people with vulvas often have issues climaxing during partnered sex, especially during penetration (2), but, according to research from 2013, 92.4% of cis women are able to orgasm from masturbation. (3)

Furthermore, self masturbation can also be helpful to people who experience medical obstacles that prevent them from fully enjoying sexual intercourse, such as vaginismus, vulvodynia, or erectile dysfunctions, as they can be in charge of pleasure in exactly the way that works for them. It can also be a great way to ease into becoming sexual again after trauma, whether stemming from medical interventions or sexual assault, allowing the person to be sexual without the necessity of being touched by someone else. What’s more, given that masturbation often to leads to higher and faster sexual satisfaction (4), and, as already noted, it allows people with vulvas easier orgasming, mutual masturbation is an amazing type of partnered sexual activity with an almost guaranteed success rate!

How to do it?

Bring up the idea (outside of the bedroom)

As with most new sexual practices, it is advised to warm your partner(s) to it in a more casual, non-sexual situations, as that way, everyone can think clearer and figure out if they really want to do the suggested activity. You can simply say “Next time we have sex, I’d love you to show me how you pleasure yourself on your own!” or “Would you like to watch me masturbate while you can also touch yourself?”.

You can also discuss if you want to kiss, touch, or even help each other out while doing it, or if you just want to watch and admire.

Show your partner what you like

Try not to think about what your partner(s) would like to see, but really focus on how you like to please yourself. Of course, you can put on a bit of a show, teasing them with positions, moans, or dirty talk, but it’s great to remember that the spotlight is on you and your enjoyment. So rub yourself in that foolproof way that always makes you orgasm, bring out your favorite toy, or even put on some porn – whatever you like!

Give or get instructions

However, mutual masturbation doesn’t have to only be about showing someone your go-to masturbation routine. Incorporating a bit of role play or giving each other commands on what to do can spice things up immensely. Just tell them “Show me how you’d use this stroker/vibrator/dildo if you were on your own” or “I want you to make yourself come using just your finger”, and watch where they take it!

Incorporate toys

As mentioned, bringing out toys is a nice and sexy addition to self masturbation with your partner(s). You can both choose your favorite toy to show the other exactly how you like to use it, or take turns in playing with one toy (but make sure to wash it in between uses!) and demonstrating how it can be used in different ways, on different bodies.

Experiment with positions

Just like with other sexual practices, there’s tons of positions you can explore to change your mutual masturbation up. Try it out laying down next to each other (perfect for kissing and caressing), with the masturbating person standing up, sitting opposite each other, in the shower or bathtub, the possibilities are endless!