The 5 Love Languages and How to Identify Yours

You might have heard the term "love language" often used when people and relationship experts talk about relationships. It's a concept that became popular in 1992 when Gary Chapman released the book "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" and it's since been used widely to help couples navigate their relationships. 

There are many benefits to knowing your and your partner's love languages. So, let's talk about the five different love languages and how to utilize them to improve your relationship. 

How to identify your and your partner's love languages

If you're not yet familiar with the concept and are unsure of what your love language is, don't worry! It's very easy to figure that out. The most straightforward way to learn about your love language is to take the official quiz.

You can take the quiz with your partner, which can be a good bonding activity to help you get to know each other. However, there is also a version for single people, teens, and children so that everyone can know their love language.

What are 5 love languages?

The main five love languages are:

• Words of affirmation

• Physical touch

• Quality time

• Acts of service

• Receiving gifts

Your primary (or preferred) love language shows what is the way you express and like to receive love from your friends, family, and romantic partners. You might have one dominant love language, but it might also be that the percentage is divided more equally amongst all five languages.

Let's take a closer look at each love language and how they play into your relationships.

Words of affirmation

If words of affirmation are your primary love language, then you tend to expect and express your love through the verbal expression of your affection, praise, and appreciation.

You probably tell important people how you feel about them all of the time, you're always there to encourage them, and you feel most loved when people express their affection to you this way.

Quality time

If quality time is your main LL (short for love language), you feel the most loved when your friends, family, and partner give you their undivided attention. This includes having uninterrupted one-on-one time and having meaningful conversations where they listen to you and actively engage.

Physical touch

If physical touch is your love language, it means that you feel the most loved when your partner, friend, and family show you their affection through physical touch. You want to be as physically close to your loved ones as possible. When it comes to romantic relationships, sex and other intimate things like kissing and skin-on-skin contact are part of the expression of physical touch love language. However, it's not the only meaningful expression.

In one study (1), researchers found that physical touch in a non-intimate setting, even from strangers, can influence certain people to be more willing to do certain actions like give a cigarette when asked. They also found that elderly nursing home residents feel unwanted due to the lack of physical touch.

Acts of service

If acts of service are your primary love language, you might enjoy showing and receiving love by doing nice things without wanting something in return. For example, if your partner puts gas in your car or runs errands for you without you asking them.

Receiving gifts

With this love language as your primary love language, you feel the most loved when you receive gifts as a form of appreciation. It's important to note that it's not the price and size of the gifts that matter, but the thought behind the gift and the idea of someone caring enough to pick a gift you'd love.

How knowing your love language benefits your relationships

Learning what your love language is can have multiple benefits for all relationships in your life, romantic and platonic:

• Better communication with others: when you know how to show other people that you love and care about them the right way, communication becomes easy.

• Teaches empathy: you can step aside and learn what is important to other people and how it makes them feel.

• Enhances intimacy: knowing each other's love languages with your significant other can deepen the bond and help you both enjoy intimate moments better. Ex: if your love language is words of affirmation, your partner can make the sexual experience better for you by adding praises during intimate moments.

• Increases relationship longevity: when you are aware of your partner's love language, you can make sure you give them what they want and vice versa, which improves the chances of long-term relationship success.