Consent is sexy!

No one is a mind-reader so asking if the person is okay before and during sex is not a love killer. Quite the contrary actually! The aim is to ensure that the act goes best for both (or more) partners. Here are some key ideas that will help you communicate to establish the foundations of a healthy relationship without ruining the vibe!

If you have any doubts about the definition of “sexual consent”, please refer to the article Sexual Consent 101. Once you have mastered the basics, all you have to do is unleash your creativity!

Tip 1: Play with your voice

Your voice is an incredible ally to stir up desire… A sentence said in a whisper, a moan, a growl or with a sensual voice can give a whole new dimension to the discussion.

If you feel awkward, practice repeating sentences in different tones when you're alone in front of a mirror.

Tip 2: Ask for permission

Whether it's a whisper, an assertive voice, a submissive voice or a moan, asking permission can be a very fun way to start a little power game with your partner. This technique makes it possible to create a safe and benevolent ground, while being favourable to the exploration of fantasies and pleasure:

“All evening, I had only one desire: (...). Can I?”

“I feel like touching you here… will you?”

“I want to feel you inside me. Do you want it too?”

"I've been thinking about it all day... Can I (...) you there, in the kitchen?”

"It's so good, can I do the same to you?”

Tip 3: Use your body language

Movements and gestures can be a fantastic way to express pleasure. Be careful though, body language can be too easily subject to interpretation to be used independently of the verbalization of an approval. As an example: lubrication of the vagina is in no way a sign of consent.

Nevertheless, shaking your partner's hands, pushing them away, grabbing the hair, spreading or closing your legs, advancing or receding your pelvis can help make her•him understands what you like and what you don't! So consider moving your body to convey the message in a sensual but clear way and to reinforce the expression of your agreement out loud.

Tip 4: Say out loud what you love

Making sure of your partner's desires is a great thing, but don't forget yourself!

Enjoy the double benefit of verbalising out loud what you like: in addition to guiding your partner and encouraging them, it will help you to become aware of your own desires and to be convinced that what you are doing is in accordance with your pleasure.

Here are some examples of advice and reactions that you can communicate to him:

“A little more gently”

"Not here"

"It's good"

"Still"

“Keep going, right here it’s so good”

"Yes! Oh yes!"

Tip 5: Take time to chat before the intimate act

Let's not forget that before any relationship and even more so when you know little about your partner, it is essential to take the time to create the conditions to spend a benevolent and healthy moment. To do this, here is a non-exhaustive list of questions to go through together:

“I use condoms, is there a brand you prefer?”

"How about lube? I prefer the water-based ones.”

"Have you ever tested (...) before?”

“What makes you want to do this practice?”

“Do you want to test the sex toys?”

“Do you have any particular expectations?”

Remember: sexual consent must be reciprocal. For this, it is highly recommended that your partner has in mind these few rules. So, why not sharing this article with her•him•them?